An Okay Joke

Despite having some Scottish ancestry, I completely missed the fact that it was Burns Night last night, but in honour of the event, enjoy this joke:

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital. Towards the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of people with no obvious signs of injury.

He goes to speak to the first man he sees and the man pipes up: “Fair fa’ yer honest sonsie face, Great chieftain e’ the puddin’ race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, painch, tripe, or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o’a grace as lang’s my arm.”

The Englishman, being somewhat taken aback goes to the next patient and immediately the patient launches into: “Some hae meat, and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit.”

This continues with the next patient: “Wee sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle: I wad be laith to rin and chase thee , wi murdering pattle!”

The Englishman turns to the doctor accompanying him on the visit and asks, ‘What is this, the psychiatric ward?’ ” No, no,” replies the doctor, “it’s the Serious Burns unit.”

Speaking of amusing things, have a look at this page on the Whitehouse site. I can’t believe this will be allowed to stand for long, so in case you get a ‘page not found’ message, I’ve reproduced the text below:

Remarks by the President to the Press Pool
Nothin’ Fancy Cafe
Roswell, New Mexico

11:25 A.M. MST

THE PRESIDENT: I need some ribs.

Q Mr. President, how are you?

THE PRESIDENT: I’m hungry and I’m going to order some ribs.

Q What would you like?

THE PRESIDENT: Whatever you think I’d like.

Q Sir, on homeland security, critics would say you simply haven’t spent enough to keep the country secure.

THE PRESIDENT: My job is to secure the homeland and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. But I’m here to take somebody’s order. That would be you, Stretch — what would you like? Put some of your high-priced money right here to try to help the local economy. You get paid a lot of money, you ought to be buying some food here. It’s part of how the economy grows. You’ve got plenty of money in your pocket, and when you spend it, it drives the economy forward. So what would you like to eat?

Q Right behind you, whatever you order.

THE PRESIDENT: I’m ordering ribs. David, do you need a rib?

Q But Mr. President —

THE PRESIDENT: Stretch, thank you, this is not a press conference. This is my chance to help this lady put some money in her pocket. Let me explain how the economy works. When you spend money to buy food it helps this lady’s business. It makes it more likely somebody is going to find work. So instead of asking questions, answer mine: are you going to buy some food?

Q Yes.

THE PRESIDENT: Okay, good. What would you like?

Q Ribs.

THE PRESIDENT: Ribs? Good. Let’s order up some ribs.

Q What do you think of the democratic field, sir?

THE PRESIDENT: See, his job is to ask questions, he thinks my job is to answer every question he asks. I’m here to help this restaurant by buying some food. Terry, would you like something?

Q An answer.

Q Can we buy some questions?

THE PRESIDENT: Obviously these people — they make a lot of money and they’re not going to spend much. I’m not saying they’re overpaid, they’re just not spending any money.

Q Do you think it’s all going to come down to national security, sir, this election?

THE PRESIDENT: One of the things David does, he asks a lot of questions, and they’re good, generally.

END 11:29 A.M. MST

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

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