Hooligan Nation

Good plan for Portugal. If the English fans misbehave, the team gets thrown out. Let’s study it in detail.

1. You must control your fans, or else! F.A. responds — tickets sold in the UK only to members of the supporters’ club; proof of I.D.; names etc on the tickets. Problem solved? Nah.

2. UEFA put tickets on open sale so that any nutcase can buy, home end or away, and yet the F.A. still takes the rap if they cause trouble.

3. Portugal prepares. By opening the bars for England’s first match against France at — wait for it — daybreak. 6am in the morning. Lager 60p and free sardines for breakfast.

4. Allowed to drink 6am to 6pm, except that there is a two hour difference, so just 14 hours to get smashed then?

5, Could be a cunning plan — if you drink for 14 hours, can you get up to much mischief?

6. Cancel police leave and deploy, upping the ante.

7. England stuff France and supporters run amok.

8. France stuff England and supporters run amok.

9. France and England draw and supporters run amok — or kiss in gallic fashion, share public showers in underpants and fading face-paint.

10. Any of the above, 50,000 Portuguse police and a smirking Septic Blatter throws us out of everything.

But I remain optimistic!

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