Lady Muck hits the nail on the head, as ever.
- Newsflash! Saturday: Fantastically old Pope who can’t stand up and has to breathe through a tube, dies. Catholics seem upset.
- Newsflash! Sunday: Glastonbury tickets sell really quickly.
- Newsflash! Monday: Charles and Camilla’s nuptials face hiccup.
- Newsflash! Tuesday: Tony Blair calls election for 5th May.
- Newsflash! Wednesday: Bear craps in woods.
Had this ‘news’ been true news, it would have read:
- Newsflash! Saturday: Pope Miraculously Cured. God proves his own existence and yes, he is Catholic.
- Newsflash! Sunday: Glastonbury Reduces Ticket Prices Again. Fans say they prefer the Proms in warmth and comfort.
- Newsflash! Monday: Country Welcomes Royal Wedding. Camilla must be new Princess of Wales say 99 per cent of public in latest MORI poll.
- Newsflash! Tuesday: PM Names June 2006 Election Date. Blair wants to be first PM to serve a full term since… er, can anyone remember?
- Newsflash! Wednesday: Portaloo Invented by Winnie the Pooh. “How do you think I got the name?”