A gloomy guest fits not a wedding feast

I’ve been feeling under the weather for the past couple of days, literally and figuratively. It has been much colder this week, windy and wet which hasn’t done much for my feelings of wellbeing.

On top of that, I’ve a problem with a tooth and although it isn’t painful, I’ve started a course of antibiotics at the end of which lies a return trip to the dentist. It looks probable that it will have to come out.

But if I’m down in the dumps, I don’t think it is just to do with my health. I put it down to this bloody royal wedding business.

I’ve nothing against Willie Windsor and Kate Middleton. I hope they will be very happy in their married quarters up at RAF Valley once they’ve tied the knot. No, it’s the sycophantic media circus that we have to endure for the next six months and beyond that I’m not sure I can stand.

The Daily Mail managed 16 pages just to cover the engagement announcement yesterday, while this morning’s front page showed Kate and palace courtiers on a ‘secret’ visit to Westminster Abbey, confirming that she has chosen it it for the big event. No sh*t Sherlock and there was me expecting them to wed at Mossley Methodists.

Telly and radio has been just as bad, broadcasting the interview with the happy couple on an endless loop. And they were in hot pursuit of Charles on one of his jollies for his comments. Surprisingly, he was “thrilled and delighted” and thought they had been practising long enough, although practising what he didn’t say.

Mr and Mrs Middleton were also “thrilled” which was a bit of a disappointment. I had hoped that they might denounce William as a total waster and predicting that “it will all end in tears”, but they didn’t and stuck to the script.

They were also “absolutely delighted” which I thought was rather bad form, topping the heir to the throne in the delighted parent department, but I suppose they have more to gain from the union than the Windsors have.

Having said that, an extra days holiday is a good way of improving the popularity of royal family, particularly in these uncertain republican times. The fact that William is marrying a ‘commoner‘ also helps, although I don’t know where that leaves me on the social scale if the Middletons are considered middle-class.

I’d advise them to go the whole hog as far as the media goes. They could enter the couple on Four Weddings on Living TV where four different brides go to each other’s big day and bitch about the wedding dress / reception / food / reception / entertainment / drunken relatives. I think it would be quite an eye-opener for Kate to see what a wedding is like at the Miners’ Institute, Merthyr Tydfil or the Stanhill Working Men’s Club, Oswaldtwistle.

Better still, how about BBC Three’s Don’t Tell the Bride where the groom has to organise the wedding? I suspect that William would still choose Westminster Abbey because it’s his parish church, but the footage of the stag night would be worth seeing if Harry is in charge. Probably fancy dress, SS uniform optional.

I’ve just heard that it is reckoned that the royal wedding will be worth £1 billion to the economy which I suppose means what is worth to the likes of tasteless commemorative china manufacturers and the brewers on the big day, the cost borne by us, a delighted, flag-waving public.

I’m hoping that they will choose a day when we’ll be in South Africa visiting Darling Daughter, but somehow suspect that our luck will be out.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

3 comments… Add yours
  • Yorkshire Pudding 19th November 2010

    When Prince Charles said they had been practising (note the “s”!) I think he meant he’d heard them shagging in the attic on numerous occasions… or perhaps royal gentlemen get their equerries to do the business. Pity the guy who’s required to service Camilla! A large brown paper bag would surely come in handy.

    Reply
  • Mr Parrot 19th November 2010

    Damn and blast! It occurred to me that I’d got practising wrong, but you beat me to it before I could correct it.

    Reply
  • Yorkshire Pudding 19th November 2010

    Hey, we can’t all be perfect!

    Reply

(will not be published)

Scroll Up

Thanks for taking time to send this report

The following text will be sent to me: