Think the Unthinkable

I was getting quite depressed reading that more young girls are binge drinking, but then that’s young people generally, not to mention middle-aged, seniors, working-class, middle-class etc. It’s all the fault of the supermarkets and alcohol industry for selling booze too cheaply.

Next it was the NHS managers that Andrew Lansley says he wants to cull. All those senior bods no longer required to run our hospitals as the GPs will be doing that out of the goodness of there hearts.

Then I had a really bright idea for solving the binge drinking crisis while finding alternative employment for those senior NHS executives — nationalise the alcohol industry and put those displaced public sector workers in charge.

These trust board members couldn’t be relied upon on to organise a piss up in a brewery if the media is to be believed and we should take advantage of their special talents.

Put them in charge of the booze counter and I guarantee that within a month the cost will have doubled and the ABV will have halved. And when you get your two litres of White Lightning home, you’ll find it’s actually a mislabelled bottle of lemonade, but you’ll need to rejoin the three month waiting list to get it exchanged, assuming you PCT operates and exchange policy.

Binge drinking crisis sorted, NHS bosses in gainful employment and paying taxes — job done.

That’s the trouble with government, they can’t grasp unthinkable solutions. (That last bit was meant to be a joke, but there really is a company called that)

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

1 comment… Add yours
  • Yorkshire Pudding 30th January 2011

    Your economic plan seems as well-founded as the “It’s all Labour’s fault” scheme hatched by Ozzy Osborne and Dr Cameron. Regarding cheap drinks, no doubt they will continue to be cheap in the House of Commons bar. I wish there had been bars in the various schools I worked in

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