Afore Ye Go

Afore Ye GoI was chatting to my daughter about Facebook yesterday and we both expressed amusement at the notion of ‘friends’ in that context.

When she was in South Africa, she was close chums with a Dutch girl when they discovered they hadn’t  befriended each other on Facebook and therefore they couldn’t be real friends at all.

I’ve ‘friended’ one or two people on Facebook, although I’ve never ‘poked’ anyone, but it is an odd thing that you can consider yourself friends with someone you’ve never met except through the medium of the interweb.

One such for me is Yorkshire Pudding — cultural adversary, spelling and punctuation nemesis and fellow smiling cynic.

He has recently completed a sequence of posts: 15 Things To Do Before You Die; 20 Things The Dead Surely Will Not Miss and finally; 2o Things To Avoid Doing Before You Die.

The last category was at my suggestion.

I find those 100 Things To Do Before You Die books rather irritating. The people who write them are just showing off and out to make the rest of us feel like miserable failures, and surely a more useful list would be the things we should avoid doing.

So having set the challenge and partly responded on YP’s blog, I felt it was only fair to complete my own personal list of things to avoid:

  1. Owning a cat.
  2. Naming my children Harper Seven, Guilford Four or Hull City Nil.
  3. Leaping any tall buildings (it’s a long way back down).
  4. Writing a Regency romance novel.
  5. Wing-walking.
  6. Sleeping with Cheryl Cole (might as well make a positive out of a negative).
  7. Appearing on Who Do You Think You Are? and discovering I’m the last of the Romanovs.
  8. Having an accident that is no-one’s fault but my own and being unable to sue.
  9. Going on a karaoke stage.
  10. Eating raw fish.
  11. Nodding my head in agreement when David Cameron speaks.
  12. Saying ‘I don’t believe it!’ when I don’t believe it.
  13. Voting for any act on X-factor.
  14. Serving my signature dish of chilli con carne to Gordon Ramsay.
  15. Thinking I could still play football for England.
  16. Laughing at the jokes in King Lear.
  17. Eating the last chocolate in the box — it’s always orange cream.
  18. Training for a new career in health & safety.
  19. Believing anything I read in the Daily Mail.
  20. Having a religious conversion on my deathbed.

But despite number 19 on my list, you might also want to read Craig Brown’s take on this subject.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

9 comments… Add yours
  • john gray 5th September 2011

    I went on facebook for a while

    suddenly I had 160 friends

    it did my head in!

    I couldnt afford the Christmas cards!!!

    Reply
  • john gray 5th September 2011

    ps
    I have done 8 on your list!!!!
    but what 8?

    Reply
  • Mr Parrot 5th September 2011

    Hmm. Process of elimination needed I think. I’m guessing No.6 is out?

    Reply
  • Yorkshire Pudding 5th September 2011

    Who is this Yorkshire Pudding fellow? He sounds utterly charming! He has done seven of things you listed but not Number 6 because a certain England fullback got there first.

    Reply
  • Mildred 6th September 2011

    Love your list of things to avoid ! I’ve already eaten the last chocolate in the box and I would love to go on a karaoke stage though;o)
    I rarely go on facebook and I only have about a dozen 7 friends , family and real friends;o)
    Thanks for sharing. And thanks for visiting my place and taking the time to comment;o)

    ¤ Have a nice and happy day ¤

    Reply
  • rhymeswithplague 6th September 2011

    I’ve done three of the things you want to avoid. They were calming, irksome, and yummy. Also, I had #20 but not on my deathbed.

    Reply
  • Jay from The Depp Effect 7th September 2011

    ‘Training for a career in Health and Safety’! ROFL!! That would be on my list, too!

    What a great list. I’m sure we all have many more things NOT to do before we die, than things we want to do.

    Reply
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