Consenseless Politics

Glenda Jackson threatens Cameron with a shivPeople have been quite shocked by the fisticuffs that broke out in the Strangers Bar in the House of Commons the other night at chucking out time.

But this sort of behaviour is much more common in the Commons than you might imagine, as this extract from yesterday’s Hansard illustrates:

The Speaker: Members will be aware of reports of a serious incident in the House last night. I have been informed by the Serjeant at Arms that the honourable member for Falkirk (Eric Joyce) has been detained in police custody.

The matter is being investigated. I take this matter very seriously, as do the House authorities.

But I would say this to my Right Honorable Friend, the Leader of Her Majesty’s Most Loyal Opposition – come on then if you think you’re hard enough.

Deputy Prime Minister (Nick Clegg) (Lib Dem): He’s asking for it, John. Let’s do him!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): Oh yeah. You and whose army?

Secretary of State for Defence (Philip Hammond): Mine actually.

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): What? The two squaddies with the water pistols that you’ve got left you mean?

(Cries of “Shame!” and “Chin him Ed!”)

The Speaker: Order! Order! You! Miliband! Outside now!

Shadow Deputy Leader of the Opposition (Harriet Harman): Leave it Ed, he’s not worth it.

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): He’s been yanking my chain long enough, him and that smirking Cameron.

The Prime Minister (David Cameron): I’m going to have you, Miliband!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): Ooo! I’m dead scared.

(Chants of “You’re going home in a f*****g ambulance!”

Secretary of State for Health (Andrew Lansley): He’s not actually. I’ve reorganised the ambulances to make them more efficient. We keep them in the garage now to save on fuel, servicing and manpower.

Glenda Jackson (Hampstead and Kilburn) (Lab): That’s personpower you moron!

The Prime Minister: Shut it, you slag!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): No-one calls my a bird a slag but me! I’m going to do you Cameron.

(Cries of “Fight! Fight! Fight!”)

The Prime Minister: Right! You and me outside now!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): Think you’re hard enough?

The Prime Minister (David Cameron): Yeah!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): Yeah?

The Prime Minister (David Cameron): Yeah!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): Yeah?

The Prime Minister (David Cameron): Yeah!

Leader of the Opposition (Ed Miliband): Yeah?

(The House rose four hours later without voting on the amendment.)

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

2 comments… Add yours
  • Jennyta 24th February 2012

    Hilarious! And not so far from the truth. I’ve often commented that they’re more like a bunch of five year olds (with apologies to five year olds) than mature adults.

    Reply
  • Bomber Pudding 24th February 2012

    Priceless! This would make a great new political soap opera. Hell, if I were an MP, I’d corner Cameron in the no doubt sumptuous Stranger’s Bar “Gents” and smash his smarmy face into the hand drier. After all, actions speak louder than words.

    Reply

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