The Shock of the New

It’s been over nine years since the Innovations catalogue bit the dust, but I still miss it and all the things it sold that I never knew I needed.

Admittedly, I don’t recall ever buying anything, but it was nice to know it was there in case I ever felt in need of a handy portable paper shredder, some snore-stoppers, one-size-fits-all galoshes or a fun fur-lined vibrating golf club cover.

You can imagine my delight then that while rifling through the seat pocket on our US Airways flight to Las Vegas that I came across the transatlantic version in the shape of Sky Mall.

What wonders it has to offer, like the Watch Storage Case ($89.95)  above to ‘showcase and protect your watches with pride’ which I would do except that my collection consists of one watch and while it does the job it was intended for, it’s more Timex than Rolex.

And how have I managed without a Nano UV Wand that ‘safely kills 99.9% of targeted bacteria — E.Coli, Salmonella, and the H1N1 virus in 10 seconds.’ (I always worry about those surviving 0.01% germs – they must be tough little blighters.)

Or how about the ’24/7 self-cleaning litter box – no more scooping’ which boasts a ‘patented sifting process that’s automatically activated just minutes after the cat leaves the box, transferring waste into a hidden drawer, then refilling with the remaining clean litter.’

Very handy that, especially if you have a cat which we don’t and want to leave it entirely unattended for days on end. It may even survive the experience, assuming it doesn’t get caught short and tries re-entering the box during its cleaning cycle.

Just to show that Sky Mall isn’t canine-ist when it comes to latrine gadgets, your dog can have a yard of its own with the Porch Potty, a snip at just $279.99.

It gives your dog a clean grass area indoors or out (except the grass is synthetic) and a scented, fire hydrant to pee on.

The Premium Porch Potty also includes ‘an automated rinse and drain system that utilizes embedded sprinklers and an optional water timer.’ Something to grace even the smallest apartment I’m sure you’ll agree.

For the follically challenged the catalogue has an assortment of space helmet gizmos to make baldness and thinning hair a thing of the past.

‘The iGrow Laser Hair Rejuvenation Treatment is the world’s most advanced HANDS-FREE hair rejuvenation system which utilizes a patented combination of Lasers and high output LEDs that offers thicker, fuller hair for both men and women.’

Note the emphasis on hands-free. No-one wants hairy palms.

Of course, such amazing technology does not come cheap,  but can you put a price on keeping your crowning glory intact? Well yes you can – it’s $695.00 plus delivery.

All this and more can be found at www.SkyMall.com, like the stainless steel wallet; the tangle-free, rotating flag pole holder; the portable, inflatable movie screen; and my own personal favourite – the Skyrest^®.

Not something I needed with my Sky Mall catalogue to keep me awake, but you must agree that ‘the miraculous, wedge-shaped travel pillow makes even the most uncomfortable spots downright pleasant.’

China’s industrial star might be rising, but they have a long way to go to beat American know-whats.