Of course it helps that the chances of this happening are about as likely as Nick Clegg keeping a promise, but it’s the principle that counts.
The idea of people being made companions of an empire that no longer exists and being able to put ‘Sir’ in front of their first names simply for doing the job they’re paid to do is anachronistic and does nothing more than pile privilege on top of privilege.
But there was an honour that came my way out of the blue yesterday when I heard on the news that I had been awarded the Nobel Peace Peace Prize.
It isn’t just me of course. The prize has been awarded to the European Union and as a citizen of this non-state I think I’m entitled to my share of the credit for maintaining peace on the continent – I can’t remember the last time I declared war on anyone.
I’ve done my bit to reconcile France and Germany by refusing to learn the language of either country so they can forget their differences and direct their innate belligerence at me.
I’ve also helped nurse the young democracies of Spain and Greece by supporting their tourist industries, and especially Portugal where I once bought Portuguese Communist Party badges from a street seller shortly after the Carnation Revolution.
Now I know what you’re thinking. That the award committee has only honoured the EU to wind up the Daily Mail and Conservative MPs and to make Nigel Farage froth at the mouth, but you shouldn’t be so cynical.
If you are a European citizen then you too can bask in the egalitarian glory of a Nobel Peace Prize. The downside is that you also have to share it with the likes of David Cameron, John Terry and Jimmy Savile (posthumously) but then no-one said that the European project was perfect.