Sunday Round-up

My round-up of news, events and stuff and nonsense from the last seven days –
the stories may not be new, but they are new if they are new to me!

Matt CartoonPointlessness of the Week: An inquiry into the failure of the polling companies to correctly forecast the outcome of last year’s general election concludes that they had indeed failed to correctly forecast the outcome, but were not entirely sure why.

Meanwhile, Parliament bows to the ‘wisdom of crowds’ to debate whether or not to ban Donald Trump from entering the country. Unsurprisingly, the nays had it, so no time and money wasted there then. Of course, if Donald Trump didn’t exist, it is unlikely that anyone would have the nerve to invent him.

Spelling error of the week: A ten-year-old Muslim boy is waterboarded (metaphorically) over a simple spelling mistake at school. Surely class detention or lines would have been a more proportionate punishment, but it could have been much, much worse.

Sorry, no apologiesSpelling error of the week 2: The Home Office announces new language tests for migrants and spells ‘langauge’ wrong. Which led me to a new Google Chrome plugin that corrects your emails so that you never say sorry as it undermines business confidence.

So big you could miss it: Astronomers discover a ninth planet, one so big that they describe it as ‘the most planety planet of the solar system.’  Then they calmed down a bit and boringly called it ‘Planet Nine’. Where are the Romans and Greeks when you need some creativity and imagination?

Tech TattooTech of the week: How is your New Year’s resolution to get fit going on? Why not try the tech tattoo implant which tracks not only step counts and workout times, but also your blood sugar, heart rate, body temperature and metabolism. This takes wearable tech to another level – subdermis.

Tech of the week 2: Expectant parents can buy a plastic model of their foetus produced by on a 3D printer, based on ultrasound scans. A complete baby costs £400 or you can have just the head for £170. Creepy.

Brief lives: Glen Frey, guitarist and co-founder of The Eagles; Friends Reunited.

Happiness theory of the week: If you’re feeling miserable, blame your genes. Research claims happiness is down to your DNA which makes Mexico, Ecuador, Nigeria, Ghana, Sweden and Denmark the happiest nations, while Egyptians, South Koreans, Romanians and the Chinese are a bunch of miserable sods.

Tweet of the week: ‘my sisters pregnant i cant wait to find out if im gonna be an auntie or a uncle.’ Confused young woman and other people who shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard.

Rip-off of the week: Touts and scalpers are charging $800 a ticket for Adele’s US tour prompting potless fan, Janee Bradford from Charlottesville, Virginia, to make this heartfelt parody. which went viral last week. The bookies have stopped taking bets that Adele will indeed send her the free tickets.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

2 comments… Add yours
  • Yorkshire Pudding 25th January 2016

    Wow! You packed a lot into this post Ian! It has been duly noted by The Laughing Horse Awards people. Rather than calling the vast vacuous planet Planet Nine they should name it after a Lancashire god – Sir Cyril Smith, well known for his kindness towards children and his endearing humility.

    Reply
  • Mr Parrot 25th January 2016

    The round-up sort of grew as I added to it during the week. As for Planet Nine, your suggestion is a good one, given the girth of both, but why not combine it with a famous Yorkist and call it planet Savile-Smith? (I always want to spell Savile with two Ls, but then he wouldn’t be vile would he?)

    Reply

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