Sunday Round-up

My round-up of news, events and stuff and nonsense from the last seven days –
if it’s news to me, it must be news to you!

Horse Make-upMaking-up isn’t hard to do: A row is brewing among the horse show set about whether it is fair or proper to plaster the horses with mascara, foundation and hair extensions to make them more attractive to the judges.

Mind you, sometimes you just have to do it, like Bob the stallion who has had hair extensions to his tail to help him swish the flies away.

Soaking of the week: It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to invent a water pistol does it? Er… actually, yes it does.

Patient Sandwich Nil by mouth: Ever wondered what hospitals do with all those bits left over after an operation?  @Jazmasta posted this photo of unidentified meat between two pieces of bread served up at a hospital in Lancashire and labelled ‘Patient Sandwich’.

Broadcaster of the week: ITV is to shut down all seven of its stations for an hour on Sunday, 27th August, to encourage people to get off the sofa and into exercise as part of I am Team GB. Now we need to get the BBC and Sky to follow suit.

Laura Trott and fianceSnub of the Week: Laura Trott gets the golden girl treatment by the Daily Mail, but record equalling Jason Kenny only merits a mention in passing.

Olympic joke of the week: A man sees an Olympian carrying an 18 foot long bag. ‘Are you a pole vaulter?’ he asks. ‘Nein, I am German,’ comes the reply. ‘But how did you know my name was Walter?’ (The old ones are the best)

Language hijack one: Specsavers successfully trademark the word ‘should’ve’, as in their ‘Should’ve gone to Specsavers’ tag line. More worryingly, they also trademarked the word without the apostrophe.

Liar LiarLanguage hijack two: Ryan Lochte, whose hair turned green in Olympic pool last week and then falsely claimed to have been robbed at gun point this week, once tried to trademark the word ‘jeah’ as his own, even though he had filched it from rapper Young Jeezy.

Tax attack: A Bristol man received a tax bill for £14,301,369,864,489.03 which he estimates will take him 369 million years to pay.

Blankety Blank: He might put the cheque book and pen prize from Blankety Blank which is set to return to our tv screens after a fourteen year absence.

Who’d have thought it? A scientist at Oxford University’s Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology proves that a football fan’s loyalty to his/her club is equally strengthened by defeat as victory thanks to something called ‘identity fusion’.

Brian Rix and Wendy PadburyBrief lives: Barbara Gibb, mother of the Bee Gees; Kenny Baker, R2-D2 actor; João Havelange, former president of FIFA; Pramukh Swami Maharaj who founded the Neasden Temple; Gloria DeHaven, star of 1940s MGM musicals; Donald Campbell, brother of Alastair; Terry Kane, one of the few Battle of Britain pilots to be taken prisoner; Leonard Cohen’s muse, Marianne Ihlen; dolphin communication expert Louis Herman and; Brian Rix, Whitehall farce actor and disability campaigner.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

3 comments… Add yours
  • Roger Green 21st August 2016

    Barry Gibb turns 70 on Sept 1. He’ll be even sadder…

    Reply
  • Trevor Rowley 21st August 2016

    I recall Brian Rix but can hardly conjur up any memories of his acting. Perhaps I saw the film,”Reluctant Heroes” which seems to have kick started his film career. As for the rest of his career…can’t come up with anything other than him being in the farces on the London stage. I do, however, recall his wife, Elspet Gray, who played the Queen (the mother of Rowan Atkinson’s Blackadder) in one of the earliest episodes of Blackadder- she was delightfully potty (as was Brian Blessed as the King). I think it was the episode where Blackadder inadvertently decapitated (Richard II?)

    By the way, Mr P, what defines a muse?

    Reply
  • Yorkshire Pudding 22nd August 2016

    Thanks for directing me to the obituary for Marianne Ihlen. Now it really is the time to sing “So Long Marianne”. I find it hard to believe she was 81.

    What’s all this business about trademarking words? (five minute break to Google)…I have just trademarked “the”, “and” and “pillock”. Sorry Ian but I am denying you permission to use these three words in your blog writing from now on… unless of course you pay me the appropriate copyright fees. That’s life dude.

    Reply

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