if it’s news to me, it must be news to you!
It’s a miracle: Or maybe not. The Pope has made it harder to achieve sainthood by tightening the regulations which now means that healing miracles must be confirmed by two-thirds of the medical panel that assesses them, rather than by a simple majority.
Apologies if your name is Tim: From a letter to the Telegraph: ‘It’s hard to imagine being frightened of someone named Tim. If you don’t agree, let me put it like this. Tim Stalin. Tim the Impaler. Tim the Terrible. Tim the Hun. Tim Jong-Il. Ho Chi Tim. Tim Pot. Tim Hitler. Chairman Tim. Don’t sound quite as scary now, do they?’
An offer you can’t refuse: Martin Shkreli who put up the price of Aids drugs by 5,000% to become one of the world’s most hated men is auctioning an opportunity to punch him in the face.
Watch out there’s a thief about: I love Thailand, but you have to be careful, as this woman discovered as she had her watch stolen by an adorable thief.
Cold war: Iceland (the country) is thinking about suing Iceland (the frozen food chain) over their use of the name Iceland. But then Icelanders can be a little weird.
Noble research: Egyptian academic, Ahmed Shafik, has won a posthumous Ig Nobel award for his work on the impact on rats of wearing trousers and the effect it has on their sex lives. Other prize winners included a study on the personality of rocks, the psychology award for asking 1,000 liars how often they had lied over the course of their life, and rating how well they lied, and a paper titled On the Reception and Detection of Pseudo-Profound Bullshit.
Godwin’s Law award: Anglesey Council’s policy of needing a birth certificate to prove that a child is aged under-three before taking away disposable nappies ‘has a whiff of Nazi Germany about it’ according to one reader of Walesonline. What’s needed is the woman who will potty train your children for £2,000.
But I know what I like: It’s Turner Prize time again and in the best traditions of the event, this year includes a giant backside by Anthea Hamilton.
Not to be sniffed at: Much as I wanted to concentrate on what Donald Trump had to say during his first tv debate with Hillary, his constant snuffling was a major distraction. Was he practising for a role as Darth Vader?
Spare the rod: A school in Baltimore has replaced detention by giving children meditation lessons instead with impressive results.
Royal road rage: Following on from the remains of King Richard III being found under a Leicester car park, King Arthur now plans to take legal action over a £15 parking fine at Stonehenge.
Brief lives: Golfing legend Arnold Palmer; Israeli statesman Shimon Peres; transgender celebrity Stephanie Anne Lloyd; robotics pioneer Victor Scheinman; horror filmmaker Herschell Lewis; Field of Dreams author WP Kinsella; test pilot Alex Roberts; Aussie fast bowler Max Walker and; Joseph Harmatz, the Jewish Avenger.