if it’s news to me, it must be news to you!
Seeing the light: Another great idea from China – motorists caught dazzling other drivers by using full beam are made to stare into the lights of a police car for a minute as a punishment, although some think that isn’t long enough.
It pays to advertise: The Australian state of Northern Territory has been accused of coming up with the most offensive advertising campaign slogan.
Lost and found: An atom bomb that went missing in 1950 has been found off the coast of Canada.
Alien furniture: Martians like nothing better than to put their feet up while planning their invasion of earth, at least according to one alienologist who reckons he has spotted a chair and a sofa on the red planet. This follows on from the body of a woman seen on Mars reported on the Paranormal Crucible channel.
Protest of the week: Lego will no longer give away promotional toys in the Daily Mail in protest at the paper’s divisive coverage of the migrant issue.
God only knows: Father Giovanni Cavalcoli claims that the earthquakes in Italy are divine punishment for allowing same-sex civil unions, reminiscent of the Ukip councillor who blamed the floods of 2014 on gay marriage.
Ready for Christmas? As there are only 41 sleeps till Christmas, time for some festive shopping. How about these mulled spice scented toilet rolls from Tesco to get you in the mood.
You might also want to stock up on cream for your Christmas pud and mince pies as a national cream shortage is on the cards. And you might need a gallon or two to go with the six-foot replica of Waddesdon Manor modelled in gingerbread.
Poppy fascism: As the world lurches to the right after Trump wins bigly in the US, the BBC is accused of fascism by making the Cookie Monster wear a poppy on the One Show.
Propaganda of the week: Pro-Trump websites popped up in Macedonia to lure in his supporters with fake stories purely for profit. Hillary fans didn’t rise to the bait.
Time for change: And the growing clamour for change is illustrated on the UK e-petitions site which includes calls for a return to fish and chips served in newspaper, a knighthood for Ozzie Osbourne and for the freedom to take racoons for a walk. My favourite though is the petition to ban all petitions.
See life: The bizarre creature below was spotted by a diver off Bali. It appears to have thirteen legs and a head that expands up to three times its normal size as it scours the seabed for food. According to the Sea Slug Forum, it’s a gastropod known as Melibe viridis.
Time wasters: On average we waste 1.3 years of our lives deciding what to watch on television.
Cussed women: Proof of the liberation of women is that they now swear more than men. Research has shown that they use the f-word 546 per million words spoken compared to 540 for men, a dramatic turn round from the 1990s.
Brief lives: Housewives’ favourite Jimmy Young; juke box queen Kay Starr; Eagle comic and Ladybird book illustrator Martin Aitchison; Silvio Gazzaniga, the sculptor who designed the World Cup; moon mapper Ewan Whitaker; America’s first woman Attorney General Janet Reno; Hollywood child actor Bryan Russell; night fighter ace Branse Burbridge; poet and singer Leonard Cohen; Phil Chess, founder of the Chess record label; the Man from UNCLE Robert Vaughn; British heavyweight boxer Jack Bodell;