Performance Managing Dead Horses

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says “that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.” In business and government, however, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

  1. Buying a stronger whip
  2. Changing riders
  3. Threatening the horse with termination
  4. Appointing a committee to study the horse
  5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses
  6. Lowering the standards, so that dead horses can be included
  7. Appointing an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse
  8. Creating a training session to increase the riders load share
  9. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired
  10. Change the form so that it reads: “This horse is not dead”
  11. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse
  12. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed
  13. Donate the dead horse to a recognised charity, thereby deducting its full original cost
  14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s performance
  15. Do a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity
  16. Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses faster
  17. Declare that the dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better
  18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses
  19. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses
  20. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position

With acknowledgement to the anonymous author of the above that crossed my desk today.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

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