You know, sometimes I hear stories and I wonder if I’ve stepped into a parallel universe where logic and common sense have been turned on their heads.
Take tonight. Mrs P was walking the remaining dog today and ran into a fellow dog-walker who had a horrid tale to tell. A few days ago, burglars smashed in his back door going after his (small) plasma tv.
His dog Otis did his job by confronting the intruders and from the evidence, they first fended him off with a chair, then smashed the now ringing alarm off the wall. (Yeah, that really works guys.)
And then they gave the dog a good kicking. Thankfully he’s okay, just a few bruises with a vet’s bill follows. But here’s the rub — the police turn up. And explain that it was dog-walker’s own fault.
“You have a nice house, sir, and a nice car with personalised number plates. What do you expect?” with a shrug of shoulders. They then go on to say that there have been 12 plasma tvs stolen in the area in the last ten days.
Was anyone warned? Nope.
So dog-walker tells them that he has taken steps — a gate like Colditz and carpet gripper-rods fixed to the top of his fences.
“You do realise, sir, that should someone get snarled on those, they could sue?”
You can feel your grip on reality slipping, can’t you?
“Not a problem,” replies dog-walker, “I’ll just shoot ’em.”
Silence, then, “I didn’t hear that, sir.”
What the zark is going on? “Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime.”
Bollocks. Can we just be tough on crime full-stop. No wonder the Daily Mail is so popular.