Through the Looking Glass

You know, sometimes I hear stories and I wonder if I’ve stepped into a parallel universe where logic and common sense have been turned on their heads.

Take tonight. Mrs P was walking the remaining dog today and ran into a fellow dog-walker who had a horrid tale to tell. A few days ago, burglars smashed in his back door going after his (small) plasma tv.

His dog Otis did his job by confronting the intruders and from the evidence, they first fended him off with a chair, then smashed the now ringing alarm off the wall. (Yeah, that really works guys.)

And then they gave the dog a good kicking. Thankfully he’s okay, just a few bruises with a vet’s bill follows. But here’s the rub — the police turn up. And explain that it was dog-walker’s own fault.

“You have a nice house, sir, and a nice car with personalised number plates. What do you expect?” with a shrug of shoulders. They then go on to say that there have been 12 plasma tvs stolen in the area in the last ten days.

Was anyone warned? Nope.

So dog-walker tells them that he has taken steps — a gate like Colditz and carpet gripper-rods fixed to the top of his fences.

“You do realise, sir, that should someone get snarled on those, they could sue?”

You can feel your grip on reality slipping, can’t you?

“Not a problem,” replies dog-walker, “I’ll just shoot ’em.”

Silence, then, “I didn’t hear that, sir.”

What the zark is going on? “Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime.”

Bollocks. Can we just be tough on crime full-stop. No wonder the Daily Mail is so popular.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

3 comments… Add yours
  • Mosher 30th November 2004

    Conversely, I got carjacked by some right amateurs in January. When the police arrived they asked if I was OK and had I felt threatened.

    "Well… actually, no. I just thought I better play safe"

    "Are you sure, sir? I mean, four or five of them? Not worried at all? Did they verbally threaten you?"

    At which point I cottoned on. The copper wanted to be able to throw the book at them if they got them. Not just carjacking – threats, implied violence.

    Speaking to them and some of the other police when I gave my statement, their hands are tied by a ludicrous justice system that will let any guilty scrote off on a technicality, or "punish" them ludicrously leniently.

    If your friend does shoot them, make sure it's with an unmarked gun, do it bloody close up and get the scum's fingerprints on it afterwards. Burglar brought gun, struggle, got gun, went off. Self defense.

  • Blognor Regis 1st December 2004


  • In Actual Fact 1st December 2004

    I was going to say "unbelievable", but sadly find it all too believable. That said, my recent, limited conversations with lower ranking coppers in an admittedly small "c" conservative area leads me to believe that they're as frustrated as hell with having their hands tied behind their backs. It seems more like orders from on high not to hurt the poor criminals, whose actions are obviously the result of some deep-seated social injustice and merely require more exposure to state-funded arts projects (and your plasma TV), in order to re-discover their self-respect.


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