Body Heat

I’m no fan of Tonight with Trevor McDermott. Too much like the Daily Mail on speed. But I actually watched this evening. It was that thorny question of the rights or wrongs of killing folk because they happen to be wandering downstairs in the dark robbing your CDs, DVDs etc.

They had four or five scenarios in which each the burglar dies. What would happen to the perpetrator? The police bloke thought that each would have got off with a warning. Dominic Lawson (who is turning into his dad the oily git.)

I can hear Mosher’s keyboard clicking on this subject — one in five keeps a weapon by their bed? (According to Trev.) Bloody hell. That is what Miss P would say is so unhappy.

The truth though. In each scenario (bar one) the bloke is always asleep. It’s the wife (sorry, partner) who wakes up and stumbles downstairs.

As he comes out of the bedroom, there is a golf-bag. I can’t tell the difference between an iron or a wood, but said hero selects one.

And I stop here at the murder point. The surreal bit is that man wears a vest and pants and chases suspect down the street. No. The woman wears a flimsy nightie. No. We retire wearing zilch.

And if we’re woken by intruders, there’s me and Mrs P charging down the road naked.

It has happened, not to me, but a friend of ours who found himself gasping for breath, no clothes on and half a mile from home.

Some moments are inescapable.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

4 comments… Add yours
  • flittermoose 14th January 2005

    We got our tent robbed in the night at the Phoenix Festival one year, and when I finally woke up properly I found I'd run half way across the huge camp site wearing only a really dodgy pair of underpants. Come to think of it, it's probably a good job it was my jeans got stolen, 'cos at least when I'd retrieved them I had something to run back in.

  • Mosher 14th January 2005

    I've been the victim of theft a few times (carjacked a year ago, burglary twice in the last 10 years, watch nicked at the gym), but only once have I actually done something about it. The carjacking was bizarre and documented on my bog – check Jan 2004.

    I actually chased down a guy who snatched my then-girlfriend's purse and ran off with it. I was wearing steel toecaps and I caught him. And I argued with him until he gave me the purse back. Not once did I raise a hand or threaten him. Sometimes I wish I was more violent – I could have had his kneecaps off with a swift couple of kicks. Grr.

  • Jennyta 15th January 2005

    Keith and I would be in the same situation as yourselves! 🙂

  • The Misanthrope 19th January 2005

    We live in warm, but unstable southern California and when the ground violently shook and the neighbor was yelling at the door, I quickly pulled on a pair of jeans, but they were too tight, so found another pair, vanity is important even during an emergency. Neighbor was in her underwear.

    New wife sleeps with half the closet on her. I keep the right-sized jeans at the side of the bed.


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