Life’s Little Irritants No. 7

There hasn’t been an LLI posting since December which tells us one of three things: 1. Polly was blown away with the warmth of the festive season into a mellow backwater of contentedness; 2. Someone has thrown a cover over Polly’s cage; or 3. the world had become a much better place.

None of which are true. Life still has its little irritants, I’ve just spent the winter months avoiding them, or ignoring them. Then the clocks change and there they are, back on the radar and in your crosshairs. And so LLI comes out of hibernation to have a go at crap telly: Specifically “All New TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 25.”

In between ferrying Master P to and fro from his karate lessons last night I listened to the Liverpool v Juventus match on Radio 5. There was still five minutes to go when we got home so I switched on the box to watch the last of the action.

The mistake I made was in not turning off again afterwards and before I knew it, there was some pillock burbling, “We bring you the most outrageous outtakes.” . This was followed by:

  • Melanie Sykes saying “Bollocks.”
  • Old woman in a hat on Emmerdale saying “Shit.”
  • Someone mistakenly saying “Prick” instead of “Nick.”
  • Someone else saying “bollocks” for no apparent reason.
  • Marian Margolis talking sensually about the application of pile ointment.
  • Then some reporter lass making a hash of it by the seaside and saying “Flippin’ ‘eck.”

I switched off at that point, but ‘naughtiest blunders?’ They’d hardly make a nun blush. Even my son’s schoolboy sense of fun would have flickered on his snickerometer.

What it was was crap telly and what really irritates me is that smart suit with a degree has deemed that this is what will entertain me on a midweek evening. Condescending bastard. As Mel put it, it was complete and utter bollocks. And people complain about the BBC.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

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