Top o’ the World Ma

Well not quite. 2,426th to be precise, but not bad when you’ve a world population of billions to go at. I should probably explain myself at this point. Computer games are great. I’m just not very good at them, but every now and then one appears and I think, “Yep, I can do that.”

One such is Castle Attack 2. It came free on The Month, the free DVD that comes free with the Sunday Times, well every month. (It does exactly what it says on the on the cheap cardboard sleeve.)

It’s oddly addictive, as all the best games are. You have 1 – 3 three blokes on the ramparts firing arrows to keep the baddies at bay while your 1 – 6 blokes build a stronghold behind.

If they complete it, you win, at least that round. And each round gets tougher. The early ones have one hit grunts to take down, then multi-hit knights, followed by lethal crossbowmen (get them before they get you), siege artillery, battering rams, the works.

If you score more than 100,000 then you get to put it up there on the online scoreboard. And there’s me at 2,436. Considering that the top scores are clearly cheating — 2,147,483,647 at level 2 for goodness sake — then I’m not doing too badly. A bronze medal at least methinks.

Or perhaps a gold top, given that there’s a bonus for taking out the cow that wanders onscreen at every level. Gratuitous slaughter of the innocents I call it. And we wonder why there are cows with guns.

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