I find that cricket commentators are far more interesting and worldly wise than there football counterparts. During a lull in play on TMS yesterday, Simon Mann wandered on to the subject of alcohol and how its consumption would increase the crows noise as the game progressed.
That lead to a lament about how you’re not allowed to take your own to the match these days and risk having it confiscated if you do. Phil Tuffnell chipped in with a one word solution — watermelons.
Smuggling and consuming alcohol is simple if you inject it into the watermelon and then ‘eat’ at you leisure once in the ground. There followed a discussion about how to get the alcohol into the melon while maintaining skin integrity. A hypodermic needle was suggested, although Tuffers favoured a bicycle pump.
It is every Englishman’s right to consume his favourite tipple when watching cricket and you can’t rely on the quality of the fare behind the bars of test match grounds. The ploy falls down for me as I can’t imagine that Thwaites Dark Mild/watermelon cocktail would be all that palatable.
I recall a former girlfriend had a recipe for watermelon rum that involves cutting the top off, scooping out the middle and filling with brown sugar. You then replace the lid and hang it somewhere warm in a string bag to ferment.
You know it’s ready when the bottom of the melon goes a bit mushy at which point you pierce the bottom and drain the ‘rum’ liquid. I’ve never tried this myself so I can’t vouch for the taste or safe consumption of the liquor. In any case, it seems too time-consuming and messy to be much use at a cricket match.
But as odd as all this sounds, there are lots recipes for watermelon-based drunkenness on the web, hence the photo above. As the author says:
I know what you’re thinking: “What if I attached a faucet to a watermelon and filled it with spiked watermelon juice so party guests could serve themselves right from the melon?”
To be honest, no it hadn’t crossed my mind till you mentioned it, but something tells me that the tap would be a bit of a giveaway if I tried smuggling that into Old Trafford.