Shooting Yourself in the Foot

SPEED up darts games by attaching a length of string to each dart. After throwing, a sharp tug on the string will return your darts to you. Patrick Matthews, Bolton

I’m still dipping into Viz Top of the Tips, but the one above made me wince because I once thought this was a really good idea.

I was aged about ten or eleven and my dad had put up my dartboard on the back of my bedroom door, I think to stop me making great holes and gouges in the plaster while it had briefly hung on the wall.

Of course this was in that days when it was perfectly acceptable to gift a child a steel-pointed, plastic flighted toy without a second thought. Well, they wouldn’t be stupid enough to try to juggle with them, would they? (I still bear the scars)

But back to my bedroom. Throwing darts was something to do when bored, but being bored meant that I soon got fed up with having to retrieve them. That was when I thought the above top tip would be a good idea and tied string to each of the three darts.

Apart from awful aerodynamics, my plan worked when I finally got a dart to hit the board. Now thrown darts stick firmly into a board of cork or sisal and you do need to give a hard tug on the string to get them free, but they did indeed return to my feet.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t wearing shoes are or socks and the dart didn’t so much return to my feet as into my foot. I used those seconds of shock before the pain set in wondering how I was going to explain this one to my mum.

I haven’t tried this since and the lesson is twofold: 1. when you have a bright idea, think through all the consequences and 2.  don’t believe everything you read in Viz.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

2 comments… Add yours
  • Yorkshire Pudding 18th June 2010

    Quote – “shoes are socks”! Don’t think so me old mucker. Even Jockey Wilson knew the difference between them.

    By the way – what a fascinating game against Algeria. The A-rabs did so well to frustrate us. For me our man of the match was Joe Cole who performed brilliantly on the bench. From the word go I was never happy to have a foreign manager – no matter what his pedigree. Even if he did try to “lay in” to the players at half-time – they wouldn’t understand a bloody word! Your Red Devil laddo – Mooney, Gooney or whatever they call him was but a shadow of himself. Bring on The Slovs!

  • Polly 18th June 2010

    Thanks Yorkie, duly corrected. I suspect I was thinking of “shoes aaarh! socks”. Either that or I am developing a West Country accent when I type.

    Fascinating isn’t the word I’d use for tonight — two hours of my life I’ll never get back. I don’t think anyone performed tonight and it was odd that Emile Heskey seemed to spend most of his time defending in his own half.

    What really got up my nose though were the commentators who questionned whether Capello’s disciplined regime was responsible for the players underperforming — the same qualities they and the rest of the media were praising to the rafters a few months ago.

    That and the fans in SA demanding their money back as if stumping up several thousand for the trip should guarantee them England victories. I suppose those who watched it in the pub will be wanting their beer money back next.


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