Parrot, You Have a Problem

I had a phone call last night that began with: “Hello, is that Mr Parrot?”

The connection was ropey and the accent was foreign, not so much Indian call-centre, more middle European, and I wondered long it would be before I was reassured that he wasn’t trying to sell anything, or that I’d won a competition I hadn’t even entered, or there were representatives in my area that week. But he didn’t.

“We have received an error report from your PC Mr Parrot and I am phoning to help deal with it.”

Firefox has been crashing quite a lot recently and my OS has hardly been on its best behaviour, but it’s always me who pays for the calls when I need support. I must have said something of the sort.

“Your XP system has logged an error Mr Parrot.”

“But I don’t run XP.”

“You are Mr Parrot of 3 Brookdale Avenue?”

“No I’m not.”

“We must have the wrong computer,” and then he put down the phone without even saying goodbye, ignorant sod.

I tried 1471 and surprise, surprise, the caller had withheld their number. I  now wish that I had played him along a little to see where he would have liked the conversation to have headed. I suspect it would have been to me downloading some software so he could fix my “problem” remotely, as reported in the Guardian yesterday.

I also wish that I knew enough about computers to devise a program that could grab his by the vitals and send a power surge back to blow his mouse balls off.

I’ve since comes across some excellent recordings of the stingers getting stung over at Digital Toast.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

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