The thing about Craig Brown’s all-purpose political conference speech is that you can imagine it being real. Like Teresa May’s cat:
We all know what our values are. We believe that where you come from shouldn’t depend on who you are.
And that where you go to shouldn’t depend on where you’ve come from.
And that where you’re thinking of going once you’ve got to where you meant to get shouldn’t be determined by where you’ve just been.
And that if you’ve just been to a place you didn’t mean to go, you mustn’t go back to the place you first came from without first checking that the place you’ve just been to is not on the way to the place you’re meant to be going after you get back from the place you’ve just been.
Great values. British values. Great British values.
We don’t believe in something for nothing. We don’t believe in nothing for something.
And we don’t believe in anything for something. Or something for anything. Or something for something. Or something.
Yes. This is what we believe. This is our big challenge!
We believe in a fairer deal for the people of Britain.
You might also want to read the All-purpose Conference Speech Part One.