The Cupboard was Bare

Bare CupboardI’ve often thought that the human race had ventured onto a slippery slope when people decided to be vegetarian or vegan as a matter of conscience.

Once you’ve decided that other creatures are sentient and that it cruel to sacrifice them for the sake of protein there’s only one place you’ll end up  and that’s hungry.

And I don’t just mean that you have to eat an awful lot of Linda McCartney burgers to fill your stomach. Sooner or later someone will prove that plants have feelings too and it isn’t just meat that is murder.

It seems that day is a little closer with scientists at Bristol University proving that plants communicate by passing sound through the ground, while in Exeter others have demonstrated the way plants respond to wounded comrades.

If I were a vegetarian, I’d be worried because the day can’t be too far away when everything is off the menu.

There’s always water of course, although that might also prove to be an ethical dilemma, as illustrated in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

Ford Prefect: ‘You’d better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.’

Arthur Dent: ‘What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?’

Ford Prefect: ‘Just ask a glass of water.’

And as Arthur concludes, you’ll never be cruel to a gin and tonic again.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

6 comments… Add yours
  • john 11th June 2012

    just ate a ton of my own sausages this weekend just gone…
    no plastic mccartney burgers for me thank god

  • rhymeswithplague 12th June 2012

    And what will we eat then, do you think? Soap bubbles?

  • Mr Parrot 12th June 2012

    Another possibility is fresh air which I’m told is very low in calories and saturated fats.

  • Heston Pudding 12th June 2012

    If we ate the Tory cabinet nobody would mind. I’ll have roast Justine Greening and you can have a plateful of sautéed Eric Pickles.

  • rhymeswithplague 12th June 2012

    “Cabinet” gives me an idea. We could eat furniture. I mean, the tree from which it is made is already dead so there won’t be any screams of agony from the plant world at that point. Perhaps we could learn to digest metal and plastic.

    Rocks. There’s the solution. Don’t tell me that gravel has feelings.

  • Mr Parrot 12th June 2012

    I think you might find Eric Pickles a little on the fatty side YP. But otherwise a great idea – I’m quite fond of Cabinet Pudding.

    And Mr Plague, I refer you to the Pet Rock fad of yesteryear. I’m afraid eating gravel and rocks and other domesticated pets is right out.


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