The Prize of Peace

Noble Peace PrizeI’ve never been a believer in our outmoded honours system and twice a year the Parrot household has to put up with me declaring that I’d turn down a knighthood if it was offered to me.

Of course it helps that the chances of this happening are about as likely as Nick Clegg keeping a promise, but it’s the principle that counts.

The idea of people being made companions of an empire that no longer exists and being able to put ‘Sir’ in front of their first names simply for doing the job they’re paid to do is anachronistic and does nothing more than pile privilege on top of privilege.

But there was an honour that came my way out of the blue yesterday when I heard on the news that I had been awarded the Nobel Peace Peace Prize.

It isn’t just me of course. The prize has been awarded to the European Union and as a citizen of this non-state I think I’m entitled to my share of the credit for maintaining peace on the continent – I can’t remember the last time I declared war on anyone.

I’ve done my bit to reconcile France and Germany by refusing to learn the language of either country so they can forget their differences and direct their innate belligerence at me.

I’ve also helped nurse the young democracies of Spain and Greece by supporting their tourist industries, and especially Portugal where I once bought Portuguese Communist Party badges from a street seller shortly after the Carnation Revolution.

Now I know what you’re thinking. That the award committee has only honoured the EU to wind up the Daily Mail and Conservative MPs and to make Nigel Farage froth at the mouth, but you shouldn’t be so cynical.

If you are a European citizen then you too can bask in the egalitarian glory of a Nobel Peace Prize. The downside is that you also have to share it with the likes of David Cameron, John Terry and Jimmy Savile (posthumously) but then no-one said that the European project was perfect.

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

3 comments… Add yours
  • Euro Pudding 13th October 2012

    Ha! Ha! How cunningly droll. I have also contributed to peace in Europe – courtesy of Ryanair – an organisation that on its own was deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize. I am not sure how beleaguered Greeks will view the EU honour.

  • Roger Green 13th October 2012

    Congrats! It’s an honour to visit your blog, distinguished gentleman!

  • rhymeswithplague 13th October 2012

    Hip, hip, hip, hoorah! Hip, hip, hip, hoorah!

    Peerio, chip chip, and other mangled non-continental expressions on this auspicious occasion….


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