LotteryI often complain about supermarkets and the whole soulless business of the weekly shop, but I don’t really mean it. It’s by far the most convenient way of getting the chore done, even if it means having to put up with the idiosyncrasies of the staff.

Like the checkout sprint. Why do the people on the tills think it is some sort of race they have to win by whipping items across the scanner faster than you can pack ’em until there is a growing mound of groceries on the packing side?

And yet it can’t be an easy job. The pay is rubbish, the work is boring and on top of all that, they have to put up with customers like me who can’t pack their bags quickly enough. So sometimes I try to cheer them up.

I was in my local Morrisons yesterday queueing at the tobacco and lottery waiting to by my dream ticket. It was busy, the woman behind the counter was on her own because the other woman was off dealing with a customer complaint. She looked harassed and I took pity on her and decided to be pleasant.

‘A very good afternoon,’ I said, beaming amiably. No response.

‘I’d like five of your luckiest of lucky dips for tonight if you would be so kind.’ Still no response as she turned to walk across to the lottery till.

I thought she mustn’t have heard me properly so I called after her, ‘only your very luckiest if you please,’ and still not a flicker, just a curt ‘five pounds please’.

I suppose you’re wondering whether I was indeed lucky or not, but I’m afraid I don’t know, at least as far as the ticket is concerned. I always put off checking my numbers so I can enjoy the unlikely winning dream going for as long as possible.

However, I know that I’ve won the lottery of life because I haven’t as yet had to work in a supermarket.

Changing the subject though, one group of extremely unlucky people are those who volunteered to take part in I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here which started a new series last night. I hate to admit it, but I really enjoy this show.

Tory Wet

Tory Wet

Taking her political message to the masses is MP Nadine Dorries and almost from the word go, she illustrated everything that is wrong with politicians.

She was one of the team of four set the task of paddling a wide canoe across a lake which they needed to achieve in 45 minutes to avoid ‘instant sanctions’.

‘I will approach this strategically,’ she confided to the camera, as we wondered what was ‘strategic’ about paddling a canoe. But then politicians like being ‘strategic’ – it’s their action substitute.

Dorries had decided that she was the ideal leader for the task, even though she had no discernible qualification in the marine department, but again politicians do like to think they can take charge of any situation that they know nothing about.

She demonstrated her political skills by sitting at the front of the canoe – facing the wrong way – and like a good politician, she shouted orders while everyone else did the work.

After a while she could be heard to ask, ‘Are we going the right way?’ Then ploughed on regardless until the whole enterprise came unstuck and the canoe sank.

A case of art imitating life?

Nobody’s prefect. If you find any spelling mistakes or other errors in this post, please let me know by highlighting the text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.

8 comments… Add yours
  • Roger Green 12th November 2012

    i love to pack my own groceries

  • Red Alert Pudding 12th November 2012

    “I’d like five of your luckiest of luck dips for tonight if you would be so kind.!”…Obviously the checkout lady believed you were a dirty old man trying to pick her up and staff guidelines are very clear that when approached by a drooling, sweet-tongued chancer, you should try to be ice cool and simply ignore him before retrieving his image from the CCTV files to place urgently in the company’s “Red Alert” database.
    As for the odious Dorries, she should be sacked. She isn’t fit to be an MP. By the way, I have never seen a full episode of “I’m a Celebrity…” as I object to the programme’s uncaring and inhuman cruelty meted out to innocent small creatures as if they were insignificant playthings.

  • rhymeswithplague 12th November 2012

    Here in the U.S. of A. the supermarket chains employ “bag boys” who pack your groceries for you and even wheel them out to your car. Some chains allow tipping and some don’t. But we have recently begun shopping at Aldi’s, where not only do we pack our own groceries but we also save a ton of money in the process.

    Who knew?

    • Mr Parrot 13th November 2012

      When we were in the states shopping at Wal-Mart, they had this carousel contraption they hung plastic bags from that the woman on the till filled with your shopping and then turned to the next empty bag. We ended up with a lot of plastic that way!

  • john 12th November 2012

    we go to sainsbury’s in rhyl and boy do they employ S L O W staff…
    last week I could have quite easily climbed on top of the conveyer belt and throttle the old woman behind the till
    bring on the speed queens that’s what I say!!!!

    • Mr Parrot 13th November 2012

      We’re sounding like Goldilocks – this checkout was too fast and this checkout was too slow, but this checkout was just right. Except we haven’t found just right yet!

  • gerald 12th November 2012

    I just saw a bit of I’m a …. Helen Flanagan flapped for about 15 seconds before getting out of the box while ex(willbe)-MP stuck it for 5 minutes – but she was SO smug about it afterwards – I don’t expect to watch much more of it – my pet hate at the supermarkets are the ones that put loads of heavy stuff in ONE bag that I can barely lift – not had it happen much lately though.

    • Mr Parrot 13th November 2012

      Helen Flanagan is going to need psychiatric counselling by the end of the week.

      What I didn’t mention in my supermarket rant is when small boys from football teams, sea cadets etc insist on doing your packing to raise money for whatever and then do two items per bag!


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