My round-up of news, events and stuff and nonsense from the last seven days –
the stories may not be new, but they are new if they are new to me!
Pointlessness of the Week: An inquiry into the failure of the polling companies to correctly forecast the outcome of last year’s general election concludes that they had indeed failed to correctly forecast the outcome, but were not entirely sure why.
Meanwhile, Parliament bows to the ‘wisdom of crowds’ to debate whether or not to ban Donald Trump from entering the country. Unsurprisingly, the nays had it, so no time and money wasted there then. Of course, if Donald Trump didn’t exist, it is unlikely that anyone would have the nerve to invent him.
Spelling error of the week: A ten-year-old Muslim boy is waterboarded (metaphorically) over a simple spelling mistake at school. Surely class detention or lines would have been a more proportionate punishment, but it could have been much, much worse.
Spelling error of the week 2: The Home Office announces new language tests for migrants and spells ‘langauge’ wrong. Which led me to a new Google Chrome plugin that corrects your emails so that you never say sorry as it undermines business confidence.
So big you could miss it: Astronomers discover a ninth planet, one so big that they describe it as ‘the most planety planet of the solar system.’ Then they calmed down a bit and boringly called it ‘Planet Nine’. Where are the Romans and Greeks when you need some creativity and imagination?
Tech of the week: How is your New Year’s resolution to get fit going on? Why not try the tech tattoo implant which tracks not only step counts and workout times, but also your blood sugar, heart rate, body temperature and metabolism. This takes wearable tech to another level – subdermis.
Tech of the week 2: Expectant parents can buy a plastic model of their foetus produced by on a 3D printer, based on ultrasound scans. A complete baby costs £400 or you can have just the head for £170. Creepy.
Happiness theory of the week: If you’re feeling miserable, blame your genes. Research claims happiness is down to your DNA which makes Mexico, Ecuador, Nigeria, Ghana, Sweden and Denmark the happiest nations, while Egyptians, South Koreans, Romanians and the Chinese are a bunch of miserable sods.
Tweet of the week: ‘my sisters pregnant i cant wait to find out if im gonna be an auntie or a uncle.’ Confused young woman and other people who shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard.
Rip-off of the week: Touts and scalpers are charging $800 a ticket for Adele’s US tour prompting potless fan, Janee Bradford from Charlottesville, Virginia, to make this heartfelt parody. which went viral last week. The bookies have stopped taking bets that Adele will indeed send her the free tickets.