if it’s news to me, it must be news to you!
Time traveller of the week: When Boris Johnson isn’t campaigning for Brexit, he is hopping into his Tardis as a time-travelling transvestite.
Meanwhile The Mirror rehashed the video which appears to show a time traveller filming a Mike Tyson fight on a mobile phone back in 1995, even though it clearly isn’t.
Use your loaf: Bread sales have plummeted as people switch to wraps and other foreign muck. Not sure why it took the media so long to latch on to this story, given what the industry was saying back in January. Dave the Bolton baker makes a credible defence of the sliced loaf on the BBC. Just don’t get me started on the loaves shaped to fit the toaster – surely it should be the other way round!
Proverb of the week: Sunderland killed two birds with one stone when they beat Everton 3-0 and so relegating both the Magpies and the Canaries.
Quote of the week: ‘Banning Punch would be like banning wine gums because there are alcoholics in the world.’ – The Punch and Judy Fellowship after Barry Island bans the show in a fit of political correctness..
Superstition of the week: Just why do people fear Friday 13th? Nobody knows for sure, but telling thirteen lies would certainly be unlucky for Pinocchio as the length of his nose would break his neck.
A forgetful old gasman named Dieter,
While poking around his gas heater,
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter
(It was also National Fudge Nut Day, National Odometer Day and National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day)
New packaging of the week: Clarkson & Co reveal the name of their new show on Amazon and some point out that Grand Tour has the reverse initials of Top Gear. Personally, I would have gone for the suggestion I saw for Carboys and Engines, geddit? Or would that be the sort of cultural appropriation loathed in the halls of academia?
Sportsmanship of the week: When German number one badminton player Karin Schnaase’s shoes disintegrated during a match the rules would not allow her to leave the court to get another pair. Her Hungarian opponent, Laura Sárosi, lent her her spare pair and as a result lost both the match and a place at the Olympics. You can sign the online petition to allow her a wild card entry for her sportsmanship.
They think it’s all over: Oh no it isn’t. I caught a piece on Radio Five Live about a group of celebs want to put together the song that England team should have had in 1966. I can’t find anything on the web, but setting aside the fact that someone already did this back in 2012, what about (Scotsman) Lonnie Donnegan and World Cup Willie?
Brief lives: Gareth Gwenlan, BBC producer who brought us Yes Prime Minister, Blackadder, ‘Allo ‘Allo and One Foot In The Grave; Kit West, CGI expert responsible for the effects in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and Raiders of the Lost Ark; Australian tv producer, Reg Grundy, who gave the world Neighbours and Wheel of Fortune; John Warr who for 35 years held the record for the worst bowling average in the history of Test cricket.
Irish golfer, Christy O’Connor Senior; Valerie Storie, survivor of the A6 Murder that resulted in the execution of James Hanratty and; especially Tony Cozier whose Bajan accented cricket commentary was one of the sounds of summer.