If it’s news to me, it must be news to you!‘
Packet in: The Royal Mail has been forced to issue a plea for people to stop posting crisp packets back to the manufacturers in protest at their un-recyclability.
Lightweights: Weight Watchers has rebranded itself as WW but say that it doesn’t stand for weight watchers. So for what then? Wasted Wonga? Why oh Why? Or perhaps the unfortunate ‘Double You, Double You’ when spoken aloud.
Dictator democracy: Hitler and Lenin find themselves in a race to win the hearts and minds of the electorate as the next mayor of the Peruvian town of Yungar.
Lost for words: A further three hundred words have been added to the official Scrabble lexicon including twerk, sheeple and, my favourite, qapik which is a unit of currency in Azerbaijan.
Name game: Heinz has backtracked on its decision to rebrand its Salad Cream as Sandwich Cream after a public outcry.
Outside the box: Psychologist Andrey Zhelvetro is burying his patients alive in shallow graves as part of their therapy ‘to encourage and intensify just what it feels like to truly be alive. ‘ But it could be good practise if you’re planning to enter the Fright Fest 30-Hour Coffin Challenge at the Six Flags amusement park.
Word of the week: With the news that one of the Skripal suspects is not a civilian but a GRU officer, that word is ‘Vranyo‘ – Russian for telling a barefaced lie which you do not expect anyone to believe.
Nature bites back: A kayaker in New Zealand got a shock when a seal slapped him in the face with an octopus.
Speaking of a slap in the face: A gym is offering a Brexit workout that includes exercises like pummeling punchbags bearing photographs Boris Johnson, the Theresa May Sack Race, Jacob Rees-Logg lifts and slamming medicine balls on to pictures of Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn.
Brief lives: Actor Peter Benson who I best remember for his Henry VI on the BBC in 1983; former Bolton Wanderers owner Eddie Davies; Morecambe and Wise choreographer Ernest Maxin and; creator of Postman Pat John Cunliffe.