Filed: Christmas

Do the Hokey Pokey

I must be feeling extremely content because not a thing has occured to me that I felt I must post about. Not one.

Perhaps it’s just that I have finally unwound over the Christmas holiday, but more likely it’s because I’ve been immersed in the world of Skyrim. Read more ›››

It’s all a dream and illusion now

I don’t know if it was the Brussels sprouts or the Christmas pudding that did for me, but after the exertions of the football match, the meal and the soporific effect of Yorkshire Television, I dozed off into a deep sleep in the armchair.

I woke in the early hours feeling the chill. The only sounds were the hiss of the gas fire and the high-pitched hum from the Rediffusion tv, its screen blank, apart from the white dot in the centre indicating that it had closed down for the night. Read more ›››

When Glad Tidings Were Brung

Christmas Armistice

Detective Snow called this morning like the Archangel Gabriel bringing tidings of great joy. The Yorkists had declared a Christmas truce in the War of Maurice Wilson’s Underwear.

In the spirit of the season, they invited me to play in an armistice football match in the no man’s land that is the mud and cinder pitch at the end of Bethesda Street, but it turned out to be a Yorkist ruse to kick seven bells out of me. Read more ›››

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Christmas Eve in Cleckhuddersfax and I believe we are finally beginning to settle into our new surroundings.

We had a visit from the Carol Listeners last night. This is the Yorkshire version of carolling in which groups of people knock on your door and you have to sing them a song and then pay them for listening. Or else they take your first born child or television, whichever is handiest. Read more ›››

Deck the Halls

With all the excitement of joining the police protection programme, one thing we haven’t had time to do is decorate the flat to make it feel more like Christmas, so we decided to risk being spotted by murderous Yorkists with a trip into town to see what we could find.

Pc Derek insisted that I should wear a disguise for my own safety, one that would help me blend in with the crowd and wouldn’t draw attention. That’s it on the left. A sort of Yo-ho-ho Z Z Top look. Read more ›››

Truth is like the sun*

In case you didn’t know it (and I’m sure that you do) it’s the winter solstice today which means we’re as far away from the sun as it is possible to get. Or at least it feels that way in Cleckhuddersfax.

We’ve been here for the best part of a week now and I don’t think the sun has shown its face once. In fact, the only way of knowing whether it is night or day is to check if the street lights are on or not. Read more ›››

Things I Hate About Christmas

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a Bah! Humbug! post. I may have to spend it in our new home in Cleckhuddersfax, but not even that prospect can dampen my spirit.

I’ve always enjoyed the Christmas season and suspect I always will, yet that doesn’t mean there aren’t some things about it that irritate me. Like the free gift wrapping service on offer in the department stores. Read more ›››

Party Time

Canine Santa

We went to our first (and possibly last) Christmas party last night and it was absolute bedlam.

It was the annual Chadkirk Dog Training Club bash and there were forty or fifty people and dogs present, many in fancy dress. (The dogs, not the owners.) Read more ›››