Posts tagged: Jokes

Pull Polly’s Cracker

In readiness for the awful jokes that will spill out of your Christmas crackers tomorrow, here’s one to get you in the mood: Why do demons and ghouls get on so well together? Because….

Antiquity

I haven’t had much chance to read or write blogs today. The sofas promised by the the random three letters that are furniture companies to arrive the week before Christmas are turning up on Monday.

As a result, our living room is getting the titivation treatment. Lick of paint here, lick of paint there, throw out the redundant furniture, not just the old sofas, but also the old Ikea stuff that was make-do-and-mend. Read more ›››

Virus Warning

With an eye on Monday morning:

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). Read more ›››

Face Rings a Bell

I was listening to a 1999 episode of “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue” today (try the Cheddar Gorge game) and it featured Jeremy Hardy’s Quasimodo joke, one of my favourites, so here goes. If you’ve heard it before, hit the back button:

Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo are in the pub having a drink. Snow White says, “Here’s something,” and she pulls a mirror out of her handbag. Read more ›››

Blonde Joke

I’m not a big fan of blonde jokes, but this one made me smile:

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back. Read more ›››

Best lawyer story of the year

Mrs P forwarded this to me:

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and very expensive CUBAN cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” Read more ›››

Performance Managing Dead Horses

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says “that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.” In business and government, however, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as: Read more ›››

Bad Joke Alert

A woman walked into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one. I did warn you.